Whenever I meet someone new and they discover I homeschool my children, there are times I get the "I could never do that!" response, as if I'm some kind of saint for even attempting it. I'm usually quick to give them an honest rebuttal or make a joke about having bad days to put them at ease.
I never want to come off like someone who thinks she has it all together, because together is probably the last word I would use to describe our homeschooling journey.
I get the same types of comments here at the blog sometimes.
"Wow. You're amazing. I could never be home with the kids all day."
"You're such a great mom for doing this for your children."
"I don't have the patience to homeschool."
Homeschooling doesn't make me a better mom, and it certainly doesn't create a patient heart in me.
In fact, I would say that patience is the one thing I struggle with most.
Truth be told, there are days I want to throw in the towel and walk away from the whole thing.
I have fantasized about driving the boys to the nearest public school, dropping them off at the curb, and driving away fast!
Some days, I'd kill for two hours to myself and I've had days when I actually considered napping in lieu of lessons.
Homeschooling is a choice we make for our family and a commitment we believe in, but unfortunately those two things don't magically turn me into the teacher my kids need.
It takes time, and even after five years of homeschooling, I'm still learning.
There are days when I still have to fight homeschooling doubts.
I let worry get the best of me and homeschooling becomes the mountain I'm afraid I can't climb.
It's a lot of pressure being a homeschooling mom. It's hard to wear the hat of mom and teacher. It's hard to be a wife, housekeeper, secretary, and everything else PLUS be the teacher.
It's hard to juggle two different grades, two different ages, and two totally different learning styles, and there are days when I'm completely overwhelmed with the task.
I'm not complaining or feeling sorry for myself. I'm just admitting that it's hard sometimes.
Sometimes, I feel defeated, my mind races with doubt, and I begin to worry that I'm not enough.
I just want you to know that I'm not a perfect mom and I struggle too.
I'm not a saint for homeschooling and I have to fight homeschool doubts and worry every day.
I probably always will.